Last night I had an unusual conversation as I walked back to my hotel after dinner here in Mobile, Alabama. There was this homeless guy walking around sort of talking to people. He was obviously on something and most of what he was saying was coming out mumbled and hard to distinguish. Naturally he latched on to me and gave me a series of intructions on where to go to get a feed on. I guess there was a soup kitchen or something nearby. But I told him I was full because I just ate so he just kept rambling on about this and that while I did my best to throw in a 'oh yeah?' or 'uh huh' or something that I thought best complemented matched the tone of his muttering. After a block or so I began to pick up on his dialect. (Before anyone starts to worry I'll add that it was only about 8:00 and the streets were pretty busy.) He started telling me about how he was the best guy in Mobile to have show you around and that it I lucky he was with me because back there 'John' wanted to jump me. We were walking through a more upscale part of the downtown and I'd watched him for about two blocks as he harassed dinner goers before we started talking. There was clearly no 'John'. But he continued on in his semi-coherent state about how I was lucky and how there were some bad mother fuckers around here until eventually we got back to my hotel. So I said goodnight and told him I was going to sleep because I had to wake up really early in the morning to get on the road. This was in no way I lie, I've been getting up with the sun most days, but he started going on about how I didn't trust him and how all he wanted to do was to come in a watch some TV, man. He pulled out the race card and was doing everything in his drug induced power to make me feel sorry for him, which I did. He even pulled his toothbrush and toothpaste out of his pocket to show me just how homeless he was. So I gave him two dollars thinking that his whole routine was to 'follow the white guy around until he feels bad enough for you that he gives you a couple bucks and then leave him alone', not that I wasn't enjoying his company. To my surprise, not only did he look at the two dollars in complete disgust, but he called me cheap and asked for a twenty. I almost laughed in his face. I have great sympathy for the homeless and try my best to treat them with compassion, hell I just listened to a junkie's nonsensical rambling for seven blocks, so I told him I would take the money back if he didn't want it. But he decided that two dollars was better that no dollars, grudgingly wished me a good night, and went on his way. His name was Derek.